


here, is there, where you are not

by Hereisthere_gg



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Be nice please, First fic on this site, Gay Love, HAPPY ENDING!!, Lots of it, M/M, Self-Harm, schizophrenic Ross? Maybe probably not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 16:16:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6202279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hereisthere_gg/pseuds/Hereisthere_gg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He develops a feeling of distance. That he himself wasn't doing those things, saying those insults. It wasn't him. It was....something else.</p><p>It becomes more dangerous than it already is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic on this site! Yes! Does this count as schizophrenia? I hope not. And....um....yeah....triggering? Maybe. Be careful. This is inspired by The Golden Hair by TheirGrace, so have fun with that, too! 
> 
> P.S. The flashback thing Arin said actually happened, in the Grumpcade intro. Soo...food for thought?

"I fucking hate you." His reflection says. Ross doesn't flinch from the mirror. "Fucking cutting yourself like the piece of shit you are. You deserve this." The small knife went a little deeper than intended on his stomach, but he doesn't care. It hurt more - but he needs, loves, the pain.

The bathroom floor has little droplets of blood on it. "Clean it up," He says, grabbing a small towel and bending down to wipe it up carelessly. "You little shit." A wave of dizziness washes over him, along with his vision being clouding over with black dots as he stands, but he shakes it off.

Holly knocks at the door, and Ross panics slightly. "Ross," Holly says. "Get done in there, alright? Orph is messing with the printer again."

Ross mutters, "In a second." And glares at himself one more time before cleaning up his mess and leaving.

\---------

Ross loves Dan.

He figured it out through how unstable he made Ross feel, and he makes Ross quake with pure happiness whenever Dan touched him.

He hates when Dan says "Goddamnit, Ross." It makes him mad. Then he says stuff he probably shouldn't have.

"Ross-Ross-Ross, no!" Dan mutters curses as Ross beats his ass in Brawl. Ross chuckles to himself before starting another match.

"Dude, I fucking destroyed you." Ross says, smirking. Dan glares at him. "Goddamnit, Ross! I'll get you this time, with Meta Knight as my partner!"

Ross laughs only slightly, too bothered by Dan's cursing at him. It bothers him more and more these days, as he finds more reasons to love Dan. But, disturbingly, he finds himself glaring at Dan.

"Fuck you," He says. No, Ross doesn't want this. Dan looks surprised for a moment. Then his face hardens as only his can, and then he glares at Ross. "What the fuck, dude?"

"You heard me," Ross says. He hates this. He hates himself so much. But he can't stop. "I fucking hate you." He's shaking, the painful throbbing of a headache starting up. Maybe because he hasn't eaten anything in days, maybe because he hasn't slept for days.

Dan blinks, then his face hardens into an emotionless mask. Ross hates how this is more effective than just glaring at him. It makes him shake more, and he feels like he just killed someone. "Alright, Ross." He says, getting up and leaving the room. Ross finally gets control again, whimpers as Dan leaves through the front door, and compulsively digs his nails into his wrist, but it isn't enough to quell the burning. It's never enough now. He spins his head around, looking for something sharp, an almost wild and desperate look in his eye.

He stands up shakily, goes to the bathroom and locks the door behind him. He opens both cabinets, but can't even find a razor.

The voice starts up. The one that isn't his, but certainly feels like it.

"He hates you," Ross murmurs to himself, sitting on the toilet lid, curling in on himself. The voice makes him shake even more, so it's visible to anyone, and he hugs his knees to his chest. _It's too much_ , he thinks, rocking back and forth. _Please, make it stop._

"He fucking hates you. He'll never like garbage like you. Even Arin knows it."

_"Well, no, you big piece of shit. That's just Dan and me."_

He remembers it too well. It makes him break down, to know that it's true. That he's worthless and everyone knows.

"Dude, come out, what happened?" Barry. He sniffs, and puts in a fake smile, in hopes that Barry'll hear it in his voice and leave him alone. He doesn't really care, anyway. No one does.

"I'm fine, B." Ross says.

"Oh, good. Uhh, can you explain why Dan left like that? He looked really upset."

Ross frowns sadly. _Look what you did._ "I don't know why. Sorry." He lied.

"Huh. Alright. I'll leave you alone now." Barry chuckles and walks away. Ross rubs absently at his stomach with his nails, feeling the all-too-familiar burning start up again.

Die already, little shit.


	2. Where it all starts, it ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross has a small fight, and gets desperate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my gosh. This is deadicated to whoever left kudos and Shorty-San, cuz I sure as hell wasn't going to continue. Heck, I thank whoever even clicked in this garbage.

 Ross knows Holly is suspicious. She is a little more cautious now, a little more calculating. She knows something is up. Ross knows he can't hide for long.

\-------------

Holly absently runs her fingers along Lt. Feathers' back, staring at Ross blankly as his back is to her; he's supposed to be animating, but he doesn't look to be accomplishing much and keeps scratching his wrist with a considerable amount of force, and he mutters to himself occasionally.

Holly doesn't think the words are nice, judging from the tone; he's too far away to actually hear what he says.

"Ross," She keeps her voice casual, as to not alert him into a defensive mindset. He looks up at her, his face too blank. "Yeah, Holl?"

"Did anything out of the ordinary happen today?"

Ross immediately looks alarmed, and then tries to hide it. He fails. "N-nothing out of the ordinary happened today, Holl." He narrows his eyes at her, his voice lowering to a suspicious tone. "..Why do you ask?"

Holly shakes her head, puts on a calm smile. "Can't a wife be interested in her husband's day?"

"No."

She's a bit surprised at the dark response. Ross is almost glaring now, but there's something...off.

She looks closer. Ross is thinner, paler, than when se last remembers. He looks...sick.

Holly lets Lt Feathers fly off to where he wants and gives Ross her undivided attention. "Ross, something is wrong. Are you eating right? Are you sick?"

Ross glares harder. "Holly, stop. I don't need it-"

"You do, Ross, because I care about you. Something is wrong, and you aren't telling me."

\--------------

No, not Holly. Anyone but Holly.

"Shut up!" Ross shouts, standing up. "I don't need help!"

_No one needs to help a fucker like you._

Holly looks surprised, and stands too. "Ross, please-"

She reaches a hand out to touch him, but he whips his hand back, as if stung. She looks up at him, hurt shining in her eyes.

Ross stares back unblinkingly, and the real Ross wants to curl into a ball, to hide somewhere far away, where he doesn't have to see the hurt--but he has no choice.

Holly, takes a breath, and whispers "Fine," as Ross shoulders by her.

\--------------

_Fucker._

_Disgrace._

_Garbage._

The knife goes to his neck, the slender paleness staining red slightly as he cuts into it shallowly, to experiment. It feels good, alleviating the burning in his stomach.

Strangely, the voice takes a turn.

_I'll help you._

_I'll end it all._

Ross freezes. He shouldn't listen. He knows he shouldn't. But it's so tempting...to finally stop....

_Just....give me something...._

What?

_.....Your body._

He freezes, his grip on the knife tightening.

What?

_...I'll help._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so the last paragraph is run-on cuz for some reason AO3 fucks up on my phone (I do all of this on my tiny IPhone, btw.) and I can't select anything. (The little typing bar thingie teleports somewhere else and it annoys the fuck out of me. I can only take so much.) soo, that's another excuse why I didn't update. 
> 
> Edit; I fixed it on mah new laptop! So.....yay!


	3. A Favor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross needs a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BARRY, THIS IS YOUR DEBUT CHAPTER!!! I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU DID!!

Ross thinks it will be like in anime, with some badass transformation or something, but it isn’t. I’s slow, steady. He says something that he didn’t think about, does something he wouldn’t normally do. It’s weird, reflecting on his own thoughts, because, most of the time now, they aren’t his.

There’s an undeniable sense of relief. Things are easier.

And then, he isn’t Ross anymore. Ross is thrown to a corner as a new consciousness settles in.

And he isn’t sure he minds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barry hates it.

He knows Ross is acting different, that he is acting more violent. He’s angrier than usual, too. He even snaps at Holly. She thinks they don’t know, but she sleeps in the guest-room now.

Barry sighs, stress from Ross’ new attitude piling up over his work. He stops to drink his water, and notices that Ross is approaching him. He puts his water down, and faces him.

“Ross, can you maybe chill? A little? The lovelies aren’t really liking-”

“Who cares about them? Look, I need a favor-” Barry interrupted him as he sat on the desk.

“Ross, the viewers are important.”

“Heh.” Ross rolled his eyes. “Look, I need a favor. I have Arin’s-”

Arin ran by them, and stopped just long enough to ask them where his phone was. Barry and Ross both shook their heads. “Fuck,” Arin hissed, and moved on to the rest of the Grumpcave, looking for his lost phone.

Ross laughed. “Oh, man. Anyway, I have Arin’s phone-”

Barry narrowed his eyes. “Dude, Ain needs that.”

“So? I need a favor.” Ross flipped Arin’s phone out of his pocket, and opened it.

“How do you know his-”

“It’s a dick shape.” He tapped for a second, then put it away. “I shared some images to you. Upload them to the Grump Instagram and Twitter.” Ross’ eyes narrowed. “You need to do it, okay? Forget your morals or any bullshit like that. Don’t tell anyone until you upload it. You tell anyone, or you don’t upload it, then I will find a way to get you. Okay?” His eyes were dark. Barry felt an overwhelming sense of fear. He could only nod yes.

Ross’ eyes lightened, and his malicious smirk turned into a friendly smile. “Good, Bar. Glad we had this talk.” He slid off of the desk, and walked away.

Barry blinked.

 _Fuck that shit._ He was calling a therapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe, this came later cuz i pressed enter accidentally while it was highlighted and POOF. Gone. So, hehe. Kudos me and comment if you like it! I know it's short, but......i have no excuse.....


	4. It's been a while

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crappy collection of thoughts. I'm sorry I sorta kinda a lot fell out of the fandom, as you can see by my other works (shameful plug)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are you doing here?????? There are better fics out there!!!!

Ross should know better.

He screwed up. Monumentally.

Now he was walking around and being a total dick to everyone who just so happened to walk into his line of sight. He had the looming dread that he may get fired, and lose his friends because of this 'Thing' and how pathetic he was.

What should he do? Is there anything he can do?

_Nothing. You wanted it to stop. It stopped._

But...not like this!

_It is how I handle things. You gave me the wheel._ Ross could feel a certain smirk. Which he read as very bad.

_Now I drive._

* * *

  
Arin was going to kill him.

This guy who was pretending to be Ross was walking around and _had the balls to walk around and pretend to be Ross._

Which he only realized after a long conversation with Barry.

But he was kind of excited. Like, this is some anime shit going on!!

But dread settles in once he realizes that he's no Sailor Moon.

  
And boy, did Dan want to kill Ross!

Insulting him every chance he got, it was like the dork from a few days ago was gone! What the fuck happened?! Who is this person and what did it do to Ross?!

  
Brian didn't sign up for this. He wasn't a goddamn superhero. He didn't know that he'd have to rescue his friend from some kind of demon, possessing his body. Which was obvious.

The only one stupid enough to not see this would be Arin and Dan, which was true for a day or two.

Honestly, he needs to be paid more for the shit he does for these people. He is going to have a stern talk with Arin once this is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mak you guys wait forever and give you thus like how do I call myself a writer I'll try again next chapter which I will write tomorrow flame me to hell if I don't do it by midnight


End file.
